Hello again

I’m really trying to pick up blogging again. Life just seems to get in the way so often.
But hey, here I am again! =D

So the therapy thing is nearly done. Some loose ends need taken care of. Tonight I will fill in some form, and that stupid lady will call me this week (or so she said) *rolls eyes*, and she will read out a letter to me that will go into my file and to my doctor.
And that will be that.
Moving along (because this topic doesn’t deserve any more energy or time).

Crafts :

Oh wow. I haven’t done a whole lot, but boy oh boy. I started a new craft! I forgot if I mentioned this before, but I tried cross stitching. It’s so much fun!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ I got 3 projects for it now, and 1 I already started on. But it’ll have to wait for now ;D
Because I still have to finish that blanket for my friend. I started in September. I’ll share a picture when it’s done, which should be by the end of this year.
I also started working on a shawl for my mother. I will also share a picture of that when it’s finished (also, hopefully by the end of this year, haha).

I also did loads in my bullet journal. I was so behind with it, that last sunday (December 2nd), I spent the entire day working on the December layout, and thankfully got it all done in 1 day. I will share some picture of it at the end of this post. I’m so pleased with how it turned out.

Self care :

Well,… this part needs some work. Some days are better than others. Next week is another crazy busy week, but after that, life should be slowing down, and hopefully I will find it easier to find the time for my yoga and meditation.
There have been good days and very bad ones. And yesterday I reached a low point, that I had to go back to bed as soon as I got up, due to a migraine. I think my body had finally had enough and told me to slow down.
So I did. I took a relaxing day off, and even asked my husband to cook for us (which is a Major deal for me, haha. I only eat what I cook myself, or what my mom made).
I also took some medication to sleep. And after a good night of rest, today is going loads better. I’ve been able to tackle quite a lot of chores.

I also strive to dress up more nicely, and wear makeup as often as my skin allows. Which is every other day at the moment. I feel so much better when wearing makeup.
The next thing on the list is getting my eyes checked for new contact lenses, so I can put my glasses aside again for a while. But that won’t be until January I’m afraid.

Christmas frenzy :

I still have yet to put up my christmas tree(s). I planned on 2 bigger trees and 2 smaller ones, but, aaaahh! I will just start with the biggest one in the living room and go from there. That is the most important one after all.
There just aren’t enough hours in the day (or enough energy), to get it all done. I have to tidy, and clean, and then I can put up all the christmas decorations.
But due to all the stress the past weeks, the house has become quite a bit messy. And even though I kept doing laundry, somehow it just kept piling up! Which has been my main activity for a few days now.
But I’ll get there eventually.

Upcoming :

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment, to talk about my meds. And I have some last minute cleaning to do before my friend comes over in the afternoon.
And some time this weekend my husband and I will make a trip to a nearby town, for a special christmas event in a cave.
Beside that, I hope to play some Pokemon Go, now that my phone battery got fixed (yay!).
And put up that first christmas tree.
If I can make some nice pictures at the chirstmas event, or of my tree (if I finally get around to actually putting it up), I’ll share them here ^_^
For now, I will leave you with my December bullet journal pictures.
Thanks for reading, and take care ❀

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Why can life never be easy going?

I don’t even know where to begin.
Maybe start with the good thing?

Meds :

They’re going great. They help me very well. I take 5 mg 3 times a day at the moment. Except when I’m on my period, because for some reason my body can’t handle it during that time, and I get a few awful side effects. Feeling jittery, heart palpitations, etc. During that time I take nothing or 2.5 mg. So, that’s all good. It really helps me feel less tired, get started in the morning. Well, most mornings. It’s hard to imagine it actually worked and helped, when I look back at the past 2 weeks. I remember the meds even giving me a better mood. But my mood has been so crappy due to other things, I’m about to write about now.

Koetje :

Our kitty Koetje (one of our 3 cats), had cancer. We knew this, and it was thankfully slow growing. But all of a sudden it got bad fast, and October 29th we had to say goodbye to her. It was heart breaking. We miss her like crazy every day, and I still get so upset and sad about it. I miss her so so so much. I’d give years of my life, if it meant she could come back… T_T

Therapy :

Well,… that’s a story all on itself, which started to spiral down fast, the day we had to say goodbye to Koetje…
Okay, I’ve been going back and forth if I should literally write down the entire story or not. I do want to express the seriousness of the whole situation, and yet I don’t want to get all worked up again, because it is infuriating!
I will try to keep it short and to the facts.
The day we were going to say goodbye to Koetje (which would be in the evening), I had an appointment with 2 therapists about the psycho-education for Autism. So obviously I would have prefered to stay at home, but thinking long term, and knowing how hard it is to reschedule with TWO people with a busy calender, I just thought I’d go quickly, and come back home fast.
So naturally this is the day, they forgot the time of my appointment, and kept me waiting 15 minutes in the waiting area for no fucking reason!!!!
So when I finally do come in, one of the therapists (my own, that I used to see weekly) got up and said that she had another appointment and left.
So, not only did I waste 15 minutes, now it turns out she just walked out of our appointment and I could have easily rescheduled, so I could’ve stayed at home with my kitty!! I wasted 90 minutes!!!!!! for no fucking reason at all.
I was furious, but they all seemed to think I was overreacting!
I wrote an angry message about it when I got home, to put it out there, so I could focus on Koetje, obviously. I mean, these were our very last precious hours together! 😦
The reply I got was useless and shitty, and they didn’t show any remorse at all.

Okay, so we fast-forward a week later. I’m in the waiting area and have an appointment with my psychiatrist for my meds. While waiting for him (12 minutes late by now), this therapist that walked out of the previous meeting comes up to me and greets me.
I have no idea why, because she knew I was angry with her. So, obviously, as my psychiatrist is late AGAIN, and she shows her dumb fucking face, I just freaked out. I get so mad for all the disrespect towards me. How they are always late, especially on that one important day. How they forgot my appointment and just shrug it off as if I’m overreacting, how she walked out of the appointment with me, how she made me miss 90 precious minutes with my baby! Dumb fucking cunt!!!!! ARGH!!!!
Very sorry about the swearing, but, seriously!!! I didn’t call her a cunt obviously. Although I should have…
So, she left me there, still not getting why I’m angry. Just Shrugging her shoulders, saying “it happens..”
Eventually my psychiatrist finally shows his face because I had a receptionist knock on his door. He was 30 minutes late by now. THIRTY!!!!! He also had forgotten at what time my appointment was. So I really freaked out! At that point he was all : shame shame, guilty guilty. And my anger was understandable, etc.

So, fast forward again. I get a call to meet up with the 2 of them, to sort things out. Because Miss Cunt was going to do the psycho-education on Autism (which started yesterday), and we’d might need to clear the air.
My husband arranged time off from work and came with me, and I am sooooo glad he did. Because sadly I have no witness for all the other fucking crap they pulled on me. They were ALWAYS late. My psychiatrist was always 15 minutes late. My therapist made rude little insults.
But now I had a witness. Someone who saw how they turned the tables on me, and made it all about me, and placing blame at my feet, and my psychiatrist literally got angry at me. Yelling, pointing, saying I had no manners. And a few minutes after accusing me of having no manners, he turned in his chair, with his back towards us and his arms folded.
I kid you not….
This whole meeting went totally out of control.
(Let me just remind you that these are mental-health care “professionals”, and I have officially diagnosed problems, and this is how they are to me…).

And here’s where I’m really going to cut things short. I quit therapy. End of story.
I told them after this meeting, via email, to move the medication care to my own doctor, and be done with it.
Over the entire weekend I have been feeling nauseous, and stressed, and all sorts of crappy. So yesterday I was just so pissed off, I wrote them another angry email. Pointing out all the fucking crap they did to me, and that this isn’t the way how you treat patients!
The only lame-ass reply I got, was that “they were still willing to talk to me, and the door was still open”.Β  *rolls eyes*
Well you better close that damn door before I fling my waste your way!!! Or a fucking brick! Motherfucking assholes!

Sorry, really. But God! They make me soooo Furious.
That’s kinda why I didn’t want to get into it too much.. I really should change the subject, because I can feel every muscle in my body tense up, and I’m already in a lot of pain in my shoulders / neck.

Now what :

Yeah, that was kind of the question I’ve been asking myself all weekend.
So, thankfully I had this plan that I started to put into action last week, which is :
I started doing yoga. I’m not really feeling it yet. Especially not with this chaos going on *rolls eyes* But I try to do it 3 times a week, for about 15 tot 20 minutes, and just for beginners. All very mellow.
And on top of it, I try to meditate 2 to 3 times a day for about 10 minutes.
During the day I try to be more mindful.
And after watching the show “Consumed” on Netflix, I am totally into decluttering again. Maybe even more than ever. I already got rid of some things I was very much emotionally attached to. But I took pictures, gave it a hug, and said goodbye.
I think I finally figured out that this might be what I needed all along.
I grind my teeth and clench my jaws, and got some jaw problems. And I’d really like to get rid of those issues. Then there is the physio therapy, which is also because I get tense, and stressed. I want to get rid of physio therapy as well.
And what is causing me the most day to day stress? Clutter! Due to the clutter, I can’t clean properly. It would be a thousand times easier and quicker, if it wasn’t a huge mess all the time.
So what do I need to do to find more peace and quiet? To feel more relaxed?
I need to declutter! So it’s easier to clean. So I have more free time to do other fun things, and not feel guilty about the clutter, or about not cleaning. So I’m less tense. So I sleep better during the night, and can handle things during the day better. So no more physio therapy either!
And I got my pills to get me moving and actually do all that decluttering! HAH!

So it’s just a theory. But as I’m a big believer of the Law of Attraction, I really like to give it my all and believe this will help me sort things out πŸ™‚

Decluttered so far :

So I started last week, and this has gone so far :
1 wig, a bag from my teenage years, a pair of boots, 6 pairs of socks, 1 sweater, 5 pieces of old bed sheets, 33 cosmopolitans (the magazine, just to be clear. Not the drink. That would be weird to get rid of. Plus I’m a teetotaler. So I don’t want people thinking I drink. Beccause I don’t. LOL. Okay, moving on!), 34 books, 1 dvd, 6 wreaths, 2 bags of small pinecones (decoration, craft stuff), 3 rolls of ribbon, 5 more bags of craft stuff, 1 pet carrier, 1 box of feathers (crafts… yeah, I got a lot of that going on xD), 1 warm water bottle, and a pair of sneakers.

That’s it so far, in the past week. Everything that was still decent is donated, or given away. And the other things are recycled.

Okay, so.. I think this post is long enough for now. And I do need to get to bed eventually some time today πŸ˜‰
I am very sorry about the swearing. But so far I have only found people who agreed with me on the ridiculousness of the situation, and people get angry with me. So I think it’ll be alright πŸ™‚

Thanks for reading my story. And I’ll catch up with you all soon. Bye ❀

This post is in loving memory of our baby ❀ we miss you princess…

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What a day

I’m not even going to begin writing all of that down. But let me tell you this : Ordering on a UK website from the Netherlands, ain’t no easy feat. Pffff.. But the long story short : My Dutch friend who lived there for years, let me order it on her boyfriend’s address there, and paid with her UK bank account. And after many hours, lots of waiting and frustration, it finally worked out. The dvds will be delivered at his place, and eventually will come my way.
But it was one hell of a ride to get there! 0_O

Anyway!

Therapy :

Useless as ever. Even belittling at times. When I mentioned I added a new thing to my routine, because I’d be up so early every day (even in the weekends) due to the meds, we could go hiking early on Saturday morning, she went all like : “Well! You see there? You came up with that all by yourself! You don’t even need me”. Yeah… She really did.
Geeeeezzz. I’ve had TEN YEARS of therapy in my life! TEN! And I read just about every self-help book that is out there in the world. Plus I’ve managed to get this far my whole life, trying everything I could think of. AND on top of that, Planning was never the issue! It’s the execution of the plan, that’s the issue! AND : I”M NOT STUPID! Why would I not be able to think of something like that on my own to begin with!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?
ARGH. Don’t even get me started. It was so belittling.
She also cut through my stories like 10 times. Would you mind letting me finish a sentence?!
If she does that again, I will definitely tell her to shut it and let me talk.
She kept going ahead of my story. I like to tell it in order, the way it happened. But she wants to know the outcome straight away.
She also dared say, when mentioning what we discussed last time, “The tips and ideas WE came up with”, for me to try to get moving, to do my tasks. WE! They were all my tried ideas! She had Nothing!! No advise or tips for me at all!!!

Really had no idea how mad it all made me, until now, when typing it down. She, and the whole uselessness of it all, annoys the hell outta me..!
Anyway, moving on..

Medication :

Not much to tell. Which I find good! *thumbs up* I started yesterday, with the lowest of the lowest dose. And I’m not even sure that what I felt (as side effects) was real, or my imagination. It wasn’t enough to mention now. Sadly I don’t feel any positive effects yet either. But Friday I will talk to my psychiatrist, and he will probably tell me to up the dose this weekend. So, curious to see what that’ll do!

Crafting :

Not a whole lot of that going around. I did finish my triangular shawl. I will post a picture at the bottom. Along with some Bullet journal pics I hadn’t shared yet.

Other than that, I’ve just been busy with 10,000 other things. Around the house, appointments, having my friend over, and I had a birthday Sunday. From my sister in law, who lives a 1 hour train ride away from us (and 1 hour back). Needed to buy presents on Saturday for her. And on Sunday, after the Birthday, we went into the city and did some more shopping. And as if I hadn’t spent enough money just yet, I ordered all those dvds today! *omg* xD

Remainder of the week :

Nothing planned so far. I did join a mystery shopper website. So I hope I get to do some Mystery Shopping. I also have to go to the vet and buy some more meds for our ill kitty.
And beside all that, only chores, that walk I mentioned on Saturday morning, and HOPEFULLY I finally find some time to do some more crafting.
Really need to finish October in my bullet journal. And I set up a “sock” in the same yarn as my shawl. It’s not specific sock yarn, and I plan on only wearing them inside the house, while watching dvds on the couch ^_^

As upset as I might be about the therapy thing, and as wired & chaotic about the UK order thing, I’m actually in a pretty good mood. So, either these meds do work a little, or they are the world’s best placebo! ;-D lol

So to end this post, here are some pictures I’d like to share with you.
Thanks for reading, and take care ❀

My shawl :

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Bullet journal :

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I don’t believe I’ve shown this yet. The skirt I dyed with coffee! πŸ˜€

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And last, but not least : a while back I already finished my reading challenge for this year! I hadn’t set the goal too high. A book a month. But because I was unable to focus on my reading, I started paying for storytel again and listen to it while knitting. And that definitely made things speed along xD

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And on that note, I wish you all a very pleasant evening and a good night ^_^

Back from our holiday

So last week on Monday (the 3rd) we came back home from our trip to Belfast, Northern Ireland. We came home super late, after midnight. The trip had tired me so much, I didn’t do much for days, apart from my appointments (with my psychiatrist and physio therapist). Then on Friday I finally had some energy, and I FINALLY rearranged all the furniture in the living (I’ve been wanting to for Weeks!). But also gave everything a thorough cleaning. This was so exhausting again, that I’ve been tired again ever since… *rolls eyes*

Belfast :

Well,.. I don’t enjoy talking about it much, because it was a bit of a let down for me.
I expected the traveling to be exhausting and stressful, which it was. But I had plans for Belfast, which immediately on day one, were cancelled. It turned out the Primark had caught fire the day before (which was located in a gorgeous old building, dating back to the 1800s I believe), and it burned down almost completely. The firemen were still working hard when we arrived the day later. Now it might be a bit silly, and of course it’s just a shop, but I was disappointed. What was even worse, is that my livelihood depended on McDonalds there, which was closed, because it was too close to the building, which could collapse and was in the danger-zone… A whole new set of worries just there. What was I going to eat!
And it just went on like that for a while. Disappointment on top of disappointment.
We also had some fun of course. Lots of sightseeing, shopping and a beautiful daytrip along the coast to Giant’s Causeway.
My husband enojyed it all very much. It was his very first holiday abroad ever, flying on a plane, etc. Although don’t get me started on that flight. I’ve flown for 5 holidays before, back and forth. And none of those flights were as bad as these two. Especially the trip home was a lot of turbulance. It was my poor husband’s first time, like I said. And I am no fan of flying. But he doesn’t want to fly any time soon ever again.
But other than the flight, he really did enjoy the holiday and trips I had set out for us to do.
Sadly also this was a bit of a disappointment for me. Several reasons, but the biggest was, that we had to cancel quite a few day trips I had planned, due to lack of energy on my part. I just get so tired, so fast. I hardly had the energy to get out of bed, or walk into the city centre. Let alone another busride for 2 hours up to Derry, and 2 hours back. Or to walk though 2 museums on 1 day.
So, Sadly we didn’t go to Derry, or Ulster Museum, or Titanic Belfast (Museum).
We did take the hop on hop off bus tour. We saw Botanic Gardens, Queen’s University, A lot of Belfast city centre, many shops πŸ˜‰ and we went to St. George’s market twice, which is an indoor market. (St George’s Market is one of Belfast’s oldest attractions. It was built between 1890 and 1896 and is one of the best markets in the UK and Ireland.) They have food, live music, candy, crafts, and lots more.
And we did that Coastal bustour I mentioned earlier, that took from 9:15 in the morning til 19:30 in the evening. That was a loooooong day, haha.
Okay enough about Belfast.

Therapy :

I’ve had an appointment with my psychiatrist again. Long story short, if my ECG turned out well, I can start with Ritalin (ADHD meds).
The ECG was a bit of a hassle. All worked out fine, and I was set to start yesterday with my meds, if it weren’t for the bad ECG. Somehow they messed it up when taking it. I think because I came from somewhere else by foot, and could walk straight in and lay down. My heart must have been beating fast, I was all sweaty, and she asked me questions during the ECG! So that had to be done over yesterday. Today I got the results and it turns out my heartbeat is perfect! I used to have an irregular heartbeat and heartpalpitations. But not anymore. So I can safely start my medication on Monday! Hooray! I’m nervous and excited. I hope they will help me, and solve my (life long) problems. Fingers crossed! It would be so great.
Theory is : It should calm me / my brain down. And activate parts of my brain that aren’t fully functioning at the moment (or maybe not at all). Such as a filter. People usually filter all the things they see, and hear around them. Things they smell, and taste, etc. But My brain doesn’t do that properly. I notice everything, and my brain thinks it needs to process all that information and store it somewhere. So my brain is on a constant overload of stimulation. Hence : Feeling dead tired all the time.
On top of that, due to my Autism (And maybe also ADHD?) it takes longer for me to process things. I have to think a bit longer. I struggle with choices. Thinking of what to eat this week can seriously hurt my brain. (Hence once more : soooo tired).
Anyway. If the meds work as they should, they should calm my brain and put the filter in action, helping my brain to NOT absorb so much information. I should be able to focus on the times at the bus stop, and not register that the man standing beside me has lose shoe laces, an unbuttoned button on his shirt, smells of soup, and has a lose hair clinging to his shoulder, and that the lady across the street, walksby in clicking heels and is calling her dog by it’s name, which I will remember for at least a week later. (To give a very idiotic example).
It will also help me focus on a task at hand, and hopefully not cleaning everywhere in the house, or start 10 new projects at once.
So. Thumbs up for the meds! Please keep your fingers crossed for me, and hope that they work. Because it could result in some more energy in the long run, which would be soooooo nice.

Knitting / Crafts :

Not much going on at the moment I’m afraid. Been too tired to even do that. Or too busy! 😦
I hope that after today, I will finally find some time (and energy) again to work on some projects for a longer period of time (Instead of 4 rows, and having to put it away again).

That’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed my ramble of a post. Thanks very much for reading! I hope to catch up with all of your blogs tonight!
Right now I have to get ready for my nephew’s birthday. (Anyone got a can of energy laying around that I can borrow?)
Take care dear readers ❀

I’m still here

Absence :

I’ve been meaning to write for weeks. But my biggest problem has been energy. Or to be more precise, LACK of energy.
I’ve just been so very tired, all the time. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover it really,…
I’ve been waiting for an energy boost after a good night sleep, or after a day off, just relaxing on the couch. But it doesn’t help.
Of course after a good night sleep I do feel a bit better, and less tired. But still not energetic enough to tackle all my chores for example.
The hot weather for so long, the preparing for my husband’s birthday, the birthday itself, it left me drained. The actual birthday was just the breaking point I think. Wether I wanted to or not, I now had to listen to my body. I wasn’t able to get anything done for 3 days. Even knitting was too much, and I hardly got anything done. I was glad if I got 2 rows finished in an hour (we’re talking 90 stitches per row maybe?).

The lack of energy can really piss me off at times. It makes me feel angry and frustrated. But obviously not too long or too intense, because that would cost way too much energy *heavy sigh and eye roll*

This is a bit of a complain post, because everyone deserves to complain every once in a while. And I’m done feeling this way.
I look around at things in the house that need to be done. But don’t even have the energy to get up and walk up to it, let alone bring things to the attic, or clean them, or whatever.

I feel like 34 going on 80! And it makes me sad too. I want to do so much. I want a clean house, I want a neat house, so that it’s nice and cozy. I want to make fun day trips!
But now I’m just glad if I can make it through the day without laying down and / or falling asleep.

Anyway.. Not much to do about it now. After our trip to Belfast I will hopefully get medication. And I pray pray praaaayyy that they work really well! That I don’t suffer from horrid side-effects (like always) and that it gives me tons of energy and focus. More peace of mind, and SLEEP! Yes. I know I’m greedy, but I want it all! The whole package.

But like I said, first there is our holiday. I really do look forward to it. It’ll be great to go back for the 5th time, and showing my husband around. I know the way quite well by now, so that helps ^^ And yet I always discover something new, every time I go.
This time I hope to discover craft / yarn stores πŸ˜‰

Knitting :

I finished my winterset, of the cowl/scarf, the hat (which has a pompom now) and the mittens. I was able to return 1 skein of yarn, so that’s good!
I picked up my rainbowy shawl project for the past week and a half. It’s nearing the end. I’m at about 60 stitches, and need to decrease till there are 3. (decrease every other row). So that’s really nice πŸ™‚

I also dyed some cotton yarn in coffee as a test. And a skirt, which turned out Lovely. I will share pictures some other time, because even downloading and uploading those is just too much hassle.
I plan on dyeing yarn later this year, so I hope to find some not-dyed yarn inBelfast. If not, I will ask some for my birthday and / or christmas. (or buy some myself, haha). And I want to dye it with all sorts of things. I found purple flowers, and I have pinecones. We got some blueberries that were too mushy to eat and I kept those too. (It’s all in the freezer, haha). My husband also saved up his tangerine and orange peels. And I feel like there was something else. But I’m not sure, I can’t remember.
My friend is saving up her avocado peels & pits and onion peels as well. So I will have loads of fun projects for later this year. And obviously afterwards I will be able to use the dyed yarn to knit and crochet lovely projects!
Probably mostly knitting. Because I’m really on a knitting spree. I really prefer this at the moment. But who knows. These things can change so fast πŸ™‚

Friendship :

I’ve got some news on this front as well. I’ve spoken to a few ladies, and the experience is mixed. I do notice that conversation is a bit of a struggle. But not only because of me. I notice that a lot of people respond very little at times, or in away that leaves me nothing to work with. It feels like a dead end conversation for me. So I don’t know if it’s only me that struggles with that, or that other people find it difficult too and don’t know what to do when that happens?! πŸ™‚
But, after 2 ladies went, 1 stayed and another one replied to my message as well. And it’s the latter that seems most promising. She has mental health issues too. And even though it may seem weird, with those people it is most often easiest to bond. You’re in the same place, where you both have your problems and quirks. And another big thing, you’re both home, a lot! People that have a 40 hour job, usually just lead a very different life from me.
But anyway, that latest girl seems very nice. We had a few great chats on whatsapp. And we plan to meet up after I return from our holiday.
So, yep, very cool! I’m very excited about it. I like the idea that there are potential friends out there. It gives me hope πŸ™‚

Okay and now I’m going to end this post. It’s long enough. And even though I wrote a lot, I don’t feel particularly eloquent ;-D
Thanks for taking the time to read my post, and I hope to catch up with you all again soon! Bye ❀

Slow week / picture post

I really don’t have a whole lot to say, because it’s been a slow week.
I didn’t get around to do a whole lot because of the weather. The weather has been hot for so long, and I really can’t handle it well. So I’ve been doing less and less.
When my husband had off from work Monday to Wednesday, we spend the first 2 days doing many chores together, which motivated me to do them finally.
Yesterday he went away with friends and I had my best friend over. We spend the entire afternoon working in our bullet journals, and she also gave me an early christmas gift! She was so excited about it, that she couldn’t wait for the Advent gift swap xD So sweet! ❀
So, here are some pictures.

Bullet Journal :

These are the stamps I got from my friend. I haven’t been able to really use them yet, I only tried just the one. Bceause I’ve been mainly busy with lists. I’m waiting for some autumn coloured washi tapes, before I begin on October. Then I will definitely use them πŸ˜€

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And this is what I’ve been making yesterday :
Saving Goals
Crea(tive) brain dump (things I plan / want to make, with a little check-off box)
And the last one I made accidentally in Dutch haha. It says “Made 2018”. To list all the projects I’ve made so far in the year.
Plus a picture from a colouring book I coloured last year. I cut it out and glued into my bujo. I find the text very fitting at the moment : The sunny days really aren’t special anymore. I’d really like some rain! xP

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Photography :

There was a moon eclipse. The moon was very low and it was hard to get on picture. Especially when eclipsed. But I got one I will show here. And I also took a lovely picture of the full moon when she was completely visible again.

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I hope you’ll enjoy these ^^

And to finish off this random post, I will share some random pictures of things I bought, and 1 I took of a flower (cosmea) in our garden with a lovely sky in the background.

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Yeah… I bought yarn.. AGAIN!!!! *pulls dramatic face and throws arms up in the air* BUT! They were on sale, 50% off. And I have been wanting to buy this yarn for 2 years! Seriously, no joke. You can’t realy tell on this picture, but they are a gorgeous shade of green. Very deep and warm green. I hoped to buy 6, but was able to scrape together 5 skeins. I found a cute jumper pattern I hope I’ll be able to use for it in the future.
beside it are 2 boxes I will use in my newly arranged closet. I will place all my pantyhose in their and assorted things like that. They have a lit so I can pile them, which is great!
I also bought a Hello Kitty MP3 plater with Hello Kitty earphones for only 5 euro, secondhand Nintendo DS game for only 2 euro, and a secondhand book for only 1 euro. It’s in great condition, no broken spine or anything. So I’m very happy about that.
But these will be the last things I bought for myself in while. Like you saw in the bullet journal part, I made a savings page. We got a lot of things to safe money for. I also have a no spending tracker (not on the pictures). But I am still awaiting some AliExpress packages I bought earlier! πŸ˜€

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And with this picture I will now end this random post here and wish you all a lovely day.
Thanks very much again for reading, and take care ❀

Staying busy during the heat wave

So, we got a heat wave on our hands, on top of the drought we already had.
I really can’t stand hot weather, so I don’t get a whole lot of things done. Especially the things that actually need doing. Like my boring chores.
I also didn’t have therapy, because my therapist is on holiday for 3 weeks πŸ™‚
But this is what I have been doing the past week (Long post, but mainly pictures!) :

Bullet Journal :

I’ve been really busy with my bullet journal again lately. Like I said in my previous post, I use this system now because of my therapy. It allows me to keep everythingΒ organized in 1 book.
And I mentioned in my guild on Habitica, that I made a declutter / decluttered page. And someone was interested in how I made this page. So I will now share some of the layouts I made in the past week, in my current Bullet Journal, and in my new one.
Because my current one is nearly full, and my psychologist wants me to work my months ahead (So against the bujo rules! *rolls eyes in frustration*). So I started on my lists in the new one as well, in advance.

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This is my basic go-to spread for the month and week. (Please ignore the severe “ghosting”. You pay an arm and a leg for a bullet journal – leuchtturm – and you get this shit… ugh!!!).
I used to do a lot more with my months and weeks (washi tapes, drawings and what not), but this looks more clean, and it’s easier on my eyes. So for now, I’m sticking with this. Life is crazy and chaotic enough as it is πŸ˜‰

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I wanted to post the “clean” version, without my scribbles, but for some reason those pictures aren’t cooperating, and I gave up, because it’s just too hot to care.
On the left page I wrote “Organize your life” and a label that says “declutter”. And a drawing of a house that is too full and stuffed with things. And on the right page it only says the label “decluttered” and a little guy, taking out the trash. And I thought it might be a fun idea, to add a new post-it every time I throw something out (or sell something / give something away). But, I’m not sure yet. If I do, I will glue the post-it’s completely to the page. So they don’t become too messy. But like I said, I’m not too sure yet. I do like the idea of keeping track of everything I got rid of, just so I can look at it later and be proud of all the things that are no longer in our house. Things like : 1 big bag of clothes, 2 boxes of kitchenware, etc.
But maybe I’ll organize them in some way after all, the post-its. I just haven’t figured it out yet.

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This is the page for the “Advent gift swap” I’m doing with my best friend!
The first gift I got her for this years swap, was before christmas last year!!!! oh my gosh, right? Haha. So I already got a whole bunch of gifts waiting for her, and here I will write them all down. And the things I plan to buy, I will write in pencil, until I have them.
The page isn’t fully decorated yet, because I’m waiting for AliExpress to deliver my newly ordered stencils. Most of them Christmas themed ❀ yay! xD

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These are pages from my new bujo. I like to keep track of when I received letters from my penpals, and when I replied to them. Just for fun mostly, but it’s also useful to see I don’t keep people waiting too long. Or who I haven’t heard from in a while.

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Okay last but not least, I planned on my 30 before 40 page, that I’d read (at least) 70 books before I’d turn 40. I have years where I hardly read anything, and years where I read lots. Last year I also discovered storytel (audiobooks app), which is a godsend for the days/weeks/months I have no focus to read actual books. Plus I can listen to the books while taking a walk, knitting or crocheting, or, work in my bullet journal πŸ˜‰
The list is nearly up to date. I have 5 (soon 6) Sherlock Holmes audiobooks to add. So that makes it 30 already! Yaaaaay!
That’s it on the bullet journal front.

Knitting / crocheting :

I have been quite the busy bee the past week!
I still haven’t finished my jumper. I’m just not even going to go there anymore. It’ll be done when it’s done xD

I did make 2 dishcloths with acryllic yarn, because someone online said they scrubbed better than the cotton ones. And my husband asked if I could make them a bit bigger than the previous cotton ones I made. So I did. But one turned out rather super big! And I might actually use it for something else. Like placing my teapot on in Autumn/Winter, or something, haha.
I’m working on a 3rd at the moment as well. I’m just trying things out, to be honest. I’m working with double cotton yarn, and just knit knit knit. This one is also turning out quite a bit bigger. But my husband can go try them all, and let me know which ones he prefers, and I can make a bunch of those, when we have our favourite.

I also discovered “face scrubbies”. I had never heard of them before. But they fall in line lovely with my swiffer covers, and dishcloths. So I made 2 “puff” versions. And I plan on knitting a few flat ones in stockinette as well. Just to give them a go, and see if they are a decent replacement for the cotton swaps you can buy at the store. I will mention it here, after I tried them. But I won’t be wearing any makeup soon, because it’s 34 and tomorrow 37 degrees C! *melts*

AND! I finally finished my first ever mitten!!! Yaaaay!!! It fits perfectly, and I’m super happy how it turned out. But again, heat wave.. So the second one will have to wait xD

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And that’s it for this week.
I wrote a letter this morning, and now I really need to take care of the kitties and have lunch.
And this afternoon I’ll probably work some more on my bullet journal.
Hope you’re all having a less hot & more rainy summer than we’re having. Just know I’m envious of you if you do! πŸ˜‰
Thanks for reading and Take Care ❀

ON TIME!

No waaaaayy! It happened! I am supposed to write on Tuesdays, and it’s Tuesday ,and I’m writing! Wow! Call the newspaper! :O

Okay, enough nonsense πŸ˜‰

Therapy :

Weeelllll…. That didn’t go as well as I’d like. Given, my psychologist told me up front she wasn’t feeling too well, and that she was in bed the day before with fever. (She better not infect me! Grrrr). But she wanted to plan my tasks that need doing before my husband’s birthday. But she did that so chaotically, it really freaked me out. I wrote it all down in pencil, and will erase it once I get to working on my bullet journal again. I will plan it myself, and better than her πŸ˜‰
She is just unnerved by my bullet journal. She isn’t familiar with the concept, and keeps asking me if I’m comfortable working with “this system”. (maybe next time I should ask her if she’s comfortable with it, or would like to talk about it. LOL). She advises everyone to keep 1 agenda, and to have not too many lists or little pieces of paper, etc. Well, I might be mistaken, but the way I heard it, the bullet journal was a Perfect concept for people with ADHD, Because you keep everything in ONE book?!
There is a year planner, a month planner, and I write down the weeks in seperate days (but on 1 page). Plus I got all my lists of things I’d like to keep track of (Incoming / outgoing snailmail, weight / centimeters gained/lost, books read, projects made, etc).
And all of that in 1 book. But maybe she is a little Autistic too, and doesn’t like change either. I can relate to that πŸ˜‰ lol

So, after all this, we talked about several other things. I won’t write it all down. But one thing I hate about therapists, is that they change their mind within weeks. Sometimes just 1 week. What they call “white” today, is “black” next week. Know what I mean?
First I wasn’t supposed to do exercise (although on my list were only 10 daily squats – I was still building up to more). And yesterday she said I should go for daily walks in the evening. Well, no. I’m not going to do that. Because I don’t like outside, and I like inside. PLUS not even 2 weeks ago, a little down our street, there were 2 guys fighting. And 1 stabbed the other, and the other had a taser and used that on the first guy! And only around 10 at night!!! So, no, thank you, I’m not going out for a walk at 9 in the evening. It’s just Not the neighbourhood to do so.
But she still thought I should stop everything else I was doing at 9 in the evening (So not reading, no knitting, no tv, no nothing!). So I asked what I was supposed to do then (as I wasn’t going out for that walk). I was just supposed to go to bed…. at 9… I looked at her, and said.. “I am Not going to bed at 9..!” I used to be a nightowl. But since I got older, that doesn’t really agree with me anymore (staying up till 2 or 3 at night). So the past few years it used to be around midnight. And recently I try to go to bed even earlier, and get up earlier. 22:30 (10:30) to bed, and 7:15 up in the morning. But I’m usually awake earlier, because my husband’s alarm goes off at 6:15 / 6:30.
And going to bed at 22:30 is difficult enough for me. Because I struggle falling asleep. I’m still so awake at that time. But she said I should go at 9, and then at least my body would rest and relax. I said I seriously doubt that, because I sleep so awful (Lay awake, wake up often, etc), I’d lay awake for hooouuurs, and it would put me in the most foul mood possible. I hate laying awake in bed. So, No. Not gonna happen. Just the idea is so ABSURD! I can’t handle it. It’s just insane. Going to bed at 9.. *mumble grumble*

Another thing. A few weeks ago, they said “No meds!”. They (and I too) wanted to try other ways first. But now she suggested I should go talk to the psychiatrist, for special ADHD medication, or something else to help me sleep… *blinks* So, first meds are completely off the table, and now they are thrown into my lap. And not just any meds. No, ADHD meds (think Ritalin, etc). They really change their minds super often. It’s quite confusing, and hard to keep up with.
And now I’m scheduled to see my psychiatrist this Thursday to talk about meds *shrugs and throws hands up*.
We’ll just have to wait and see!

Knitting / crocheting :

So, to keep the chatter to a minimum for the rest of my post, I will just share some project updates.

Ongoing projects :

Yeah, my jumper… still… haha. I’m a bit further than on this picture. But this was the last picture I took. I got another 3 centimeter to go I think, before shaping the neck and creating shoulders.

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A baby blanket I am working on (not for me, I’m childfree) :

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A scarf I was working on last winter. I am much further along than on this picture. Because it’s much wider, and I’m already decreasing :

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And my neat ripple blanket. It’s for a 2 person bed (160 x 200), so it will take a while ;-D
I really love this colour combination ❀

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Projects I finished this week!

Another dishcloth

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And I made a scarf (loom knitting), and a hat (regular knitting). I hope to knit a matching pair of mittens to go with it. I’ve never made mittens before. So I’m very excited about that. I hope it’s not too difficult. / And the hat still needs a pompom on top!
So, here’s a picture of those, and of me, at the same time. Hi *waves* πŸ˜‰

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So, I will leave it at this, this week. I really hope to have my mittens AND that back part of my jumper (you are my Everest! *shakes fist* xD) done, when I post next week!

Thanks for reading! I hope you’re all doing well, and I wish you all a lovely week! ❀

Friendship and some other struggles

Therapy :

So therapy was alright. Not much going on there. I have to stick to my schedule, and make sure that after busy days, I don’t have anything more to do than my regular schedule. (Sounds simple, buuuuut it isn’t πŸ˜‰ )

Decluttering / routine / schedule :

I had fallen ill, sort of, last week. So sadly I haven’t been able to get any more decluttering done. At the moment I’m happy if I can just get my routine /schedule done.
I must say, I’m doing quite well this week. I’m late again with my blog though.
Monday was another crazy day, so I decided to make Tuesday my blog day. (And then I didn’t feel like writing yesterday, lol).
Today I did a big cleaning job : the shower. It was a nightmare, and we also got mold, that had to be taken care of. It’s not completely gone, but it’s looking much better already.
I just wish I could get that awful cleaner smell out of my nose and off of my hands.
And this afternoon I will write a letter to one of my penpals, and hopefully knit some more.

Knitting :

Last Saturday I was able to get 10 rows done on my jumper. The back part is so very nearly done now. And what do I do? What I always do,.. Look for a new project! ARGH! I just hate this so much about mysef. But, they are small and easy projects.
I finally made my first dishcloth yesterday. (Not my pattern / available on Ravelry).

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It’s so super cute! And I enjoyed it so much, I immediately started on a second one, haha.
This one will be washed today, so it can be used tonight when doing dishes. I’m very excited to find out if they work out better for us than the regular sponges we use. They hardly last 2 weeks!
I’m all for durable items. I’ve also made swiffer covers, and they work great! I enjoy them very much, and have it on my to-do list to crochet 1 or 2 more.
And just a few weeks ago, I made this market tote, for my fruit and veggies.

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So hopefully I can finish that second dishcloth today, and get that back part of my jumper done some time this week, so I can start on the front ^_^

Friendship / Autism :

I’ve also been looking into making new friends. There is a Dutch website (VriendinnenOnline), which kind of works like a simple version of a datingwebsite. You make a profile, add a few pictures, write something about yourself and what you’re looking for, and then go browse for people.
I didn’t even know this website existed, even though I have looked at ways of meeting new people very often in the past.
I always struggled making friends, even as a child, and I’m not sure why. I’m chatty, and like a whole lot of things. But I do struggle with people I have nothing in common with. But I’m sure there are more people who like to take a walk in nature, do photography, or knitting/crocheting/sewing, or watching certain TV shows / movies.. But for some reason, meeting people is very hard. And becoming real friends and keeping them in my life even harder. And I really wish I knew why.
So I thought I was probably one of the few people struggling with this, especially due to my Autism, when I just came across this website. And then it turns out, there are so many women on there, looking for friends!
So all of a sudden, I’m not that weird anymore, or alone in this, and not the only one that struggles. Apparently a massive group of people struggle to make friends, so I couldn’t help thinking about why that is.
I think it’s because in this day and age, if you start chatting up someone outside, at the shops, library, the bus, the train, you name it, you get looked at like you’re a crazy person! People take offense, ignore you, you get a dirty look. If you’re lucky you get a (friendly) reply. People are swallowed up in their own business, and more often than not, their phone. People rush from A to B, and want to be left alone in the mean time.
I can’t help but wonder how people used to do that before the smartphone, before internet. How did people make friends back then?
How did people make friends a 100+ years ago?
And at these moments, I find myself longing again to a time long gone, that just seemed better somehow.
I did meet 2 people on this website, so far. But oddly enough, the person that lives close by and, as it turns out, also has Autism, isn’t replying anymore. (Again, I reread my message at least twice, and I just can’t see what I said wrong?!). [edit] She replied again thankfully, just much later. [/edit]
A girl who is 10 years younger, and lives about 2 hours by train away, does message back and forth with me. She’s very young, but seems very nice, and we get on well so far. I look forward to see where this friendship will go.
But truth be told, I do hope to meet someone a bit closer to home as well. I only have 1 friend, whose also my best friend, and she does live close by. We meet about every other week, and talk on whatsapp every day.
I tried reaching out to an old friend from the past as well. We ended on bad terms, but I’m still not completely sure how or why. It’s about 9 years ago, and all I remember is that she just vanished from my life.
I feel quite sad about that now and again. She was a great friend and we had so much fun. We still seem to enjoy the same things, general speaking. Go to events in costumes, sewing, same TV shows. But sadly I didn’t receive a reply back to my comment.. C’est la vie *shrugs* (:
This is actually why I thought of googling once again and find new friends in other ways, and how I discovered the website.
How do you meet new people? Do you struggle with making friends / keeping friends?
I’m curious to know, so please let me know through the comments ❀

Almost on time this week

Almost! But yesterday was a crazy day.

Therapy :

Therapy is going well. It was my second official session and so far I can get along well with my psychologist, she’s very nice. We’re working on how to maintain a routine, my agenda, prioratize, things like that.
We discussed the study I had taken on earlier this year. A course on criminology. Super interesting, but, it’s a do-it-at-home course, by myself. I get no feedback whatsoever. Long story short, I struggle badly with this. I can’t get myself to get started, and when I do, I fall asleep nearly instantly. For some reason it just ain’t working out. And I feel really bad about it, because it cost quite a bit of money, and it feels like giving up and failing.
Plus I know certain people might share their harsh opinion on the matter. Which won’t help with me feeling any better about the entire situation..
But we talked about the pros and cons, and I did the same with my husband. And just stopping with it altogether is probably the best thing to do for now. Focus on my therapy, my routine, and getting my house in order.
Which brings me to my next point…

Decluttering :

I’ve been on a crazy decluttering hype, or however you want to call it. I started with sorting through my greeting/birthday/christmas cards. I had saved so many, and was able to toss away half of it!
After that came kitchenware, which took up almost all saturday afternoon and a bit of the evening. I had so many stuff related to this, all throughout the house (attic, basement, kitchen obviously, and a little bit in a spare room upstairs). I looked through everything and was able to get rid of 2 boxes, 2 big shopper bags, and I’d asked around with friends and family, and was able to give lots of stuff to 5 people.
I wanted to do clothes next. But like kitchenware, I have clothes all over the house, and I didn’t have the energy to get started on even collecting all that stuff to one room. But it still itched! I wanted to get started on clothes! So I dug into my wardrobe, and looked at each item individually. Some things I knew straight away that they could go, others not. I tried on many things, and came to the conclusion that a lot of it was too small, too short, too tight, too old, too itchy, uncomfortable, didn’t go with any of my other clothes, or I didn’t wear them for another reason. So I had a huge bag filled with clothes in no time, and it felt so good!
I really enjoy this decluttering and I will definitely keep it up.
Last year we already sorted through all our paperwork and,…. I could’ve sworn there was something else.. Maybe my yarn. I did go through all that last year too. I filled a big shopper bag and got rid of that too. Plus 2 more big shoppers with clothing, bedding, shoes, etc.
You’d think I’d soon be done after all I’ve gotten rid of already. But no πŸ˜‰
I’m a bit of a hoarder (not as bad as you see on TV though, but, I don’t want to let it get that far either), and this clean up is long overdue. And then to think, that several years ago, I also had a massive clear out, and got rid of super many trash bags filled with stuff.
It just doesn’t seem to end. I always find things or get things I “should hold on to, because I might need it some day”… Sounds familiar? Be warned πŸ˜‰
But I’m not allowed to buy any yarn this year. So I confess straight away, I did, eventually. I made it 4 months, before I caved. But I bought 7 skeins with a project in mind! So, not just random yarn. It has a purpose. But then I also admit I bought 2 without a real purpose, just because they were cute looking *sigh* I actually regret those 2 a little bit.
And just last month I bought 1 skein of sockyarn. (obviously for socks).
But hereby I pledge and vow and swear, that I won’t buy any more yarn this year, unless it is to finish an ongoing project.
I also think twice about every other item I buy these days. I don’t just go : Oh that’s cute, I want it! *buy*
I think about where I’ll put it, if I can place it there with the cats around, will I enjoy having it, or will it get lost in the clutter that’s already there? And 99% of the time I decide not to buy it. So, go me! Hooray!

Vet :

I also went to the vet yesterday. I won’t go into all the details now, as this post is already getting exceedingly long.
But sadly our rescue kitty isn’t doing very well. We already knew she had cancer in her cute little face (in her nose, on her nose, and her ears), but now it’s starting to effect her immunesystem a bit, so it seems. Around her tiny front teeth, her gums look very red and inflamed. And her eye seems to be a little bit more closed, probably due to the cancer pressing on something on the inside. We’d have her operated in a heartbeat if we knew it would help her. But sadly this is probably not even removable, and she is of old age. So we just spoil her, and she gets meds for pain and inflammation.

Knitting :

I didn’t get any knitting done the last few days. I’ve been in pain by tension and stress, and probably from knitting too much already, haha. So I also had to go to my physio therapist yesterday. And now I am so sore, that even though I want to knit and have the time, I probably can’t. I might give it a bit of a go later on, but I’m not sure yet.

And now I will wrap this up, and get back to my other little chores. Such as laundry, and wrap up my mail order packages, that need to be returned.
Hope you’re all having a lovely day ❀